Hola. Me llamo es Rhi B.

Did I write that right?

Damn. After nearly a year of college-level Spanish classes I am still totally insecure about the language.

Throughout most of my life I believed it would be romantic to learn a second language. I could see myself learning several, in fact– everyone says the first is the most difficult to master. Right?

Learning Spanish in English-speaking land, when you don’t know any native speakers, is muy dificil.

For starters, I began my college Spanish classes with a great deal of Spanish anxiety because, in high school, my freshman Spanish teacher was an evil bastard. He told us, daily, how much he hated “children” and how he would quit if he wasn’t already tenured.

So, it’s no surprise that much of what was covered in that class didn’t stick.

(I found out later that the man was suffering with HIV and probably blipped out on handfuls of medications. I can’t say I’d love the opportunity to teach 14-year-olds a second language, either, under those circumstances.)

A dozen years later, I struggle with Spanish. The two B’s* I have earned have cost countles hours of study time. And, still, I am not confident enough to say “Hello” to a stranger en espanol porque I would be petrified if they thought that meant they could hold even the most elementary of conversations with me in anything other than English.

* Assuming I do well on tomorrow’s final exam.